A Sample Candidate-Written Task 2 Essay and Tips to Improve It

June 7, 2017

 

Essay topic: Everyone should become vegetarian because they do not need to eat meat to have a healthy diet. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? 

 

 

Student's work: 

 

People have different views about whether they should eat vegetarian food to have a healthy diet. In my opinion, having a healthy diet brings highly benefits for people health, while I consider that people should not stop eating meat in order to have a healthy life.

 

On the one hand, there are several fundamental reasons why residents should become a vegetarian. To begin with, an unhealthy food can cause various health problems such as diabetes, heart attack, obesity or even cancer. Another benefit of being vegetarian is that many fruits and vegetables are made of up essential nutrients such as vitamin A, vitamin D or some forms of nutrients. For example, sugar beet and spinach are highly popular in America because they provide many calories for people.

 

On the other hand, I believe that people also need to eat meat because of several key reasons. The first reason is that some people are not suitable for becoming a vegetarian such as children, athletes or builder. For instance, Children need to be provided a wide range of food to improve their physical health. Another clear example is that athletes who should need many nutrients to have enough health. The second reason is that food is made from meat which is quite commonly-used than those vegetables and fruits. That is why people find it tough to avoid eating meat.  

 

To sum up, I consider that both sides also advantages and disadvantages. Besides becoming a vegetarian to have a healthy diet, citizens should not stop eating meat.

 

 

Corrected version: (with grammatical and lexical changes in bold)

 

People have different views about whether they should eat vegetarian food to have a healthy diet. In my opinion, having a healthy diet is beneficial for people health, while I consider that people should not stop eating meat in order to have a healthy life.

 

On the one hand, there are several fundamental reasons why people should become a vegetarian. To begin with, unhealthy food can cause various health problems such as diabetes, heart attack, obesity or even cancer. Another benefit of being vegetarian is that many fruits and vegetables are made up of essential nutrients such as vitamin A, vitamin D and other types of vitamin. For example, sugar beet and spinach are highly popular in America because they provide much calories for people.

 

On the other hand, I believe that people also need to eat meat because of several key reasons. The first reason is that some people are not suitable for becoming a vegetarian such as children, athletes and constructors. For instance, children need to be provided with a wide range of food to improve their physical health. Another clear example is athletes who should need many nutrients to have enough power for their competitions. The second reason is that food which is made from meat is more commonly used than vegetables and fruits. That is why people find it tough to avoid eating meat.  

 

To sum up, I consider that both sides of argument have its advantages and disadvantages. Besides becoming a vegetarian to have a healthy diet, citizens should not stop eating meat.

 

 

More comments on this essay: 

 

1. The introduction is not related to the essay topic which is concerned about becoming vegetarian and eating meat. 

 

2. Analysis is poorly developed and occasionally repeated. The student should examine the positive impact of meat production on creating jobs as well as its negative impact on harming the natural environment. 

 

3. Examples are not relevant to the student's analysis. 

 

4. Introduction lacks personal opinion and summary of key points.

 

 

Want to have your essay corrected? Please write your essay in the comment section below and I will leave feedback on it. Otherwise, you can contact me and send your essay to me via email. 

 

 

 

 

 

Share on Facebook
Share on Twitter
Please reload

Featured Posts

Grammar Builder Exercise – Using Relative Clauses Effectively

November 16, 2019

1/10
Please reload

Recent Posts
Please reload

  • Twitter Social Icon
  • LinkedIn Social Icon
  • YouTube Social  Icon

© Copyright 2019 by 

IELTS With Mr Duc

Contact Us

Our Partner

Sunrise Vietnam - The leading company in education and study abroad consultancy